I don't know. I just don't know how this whole prayer thing works. I understand prayer as reaching out to our holy father in faith and the need for relationship. Yes, I do that and understand what I am doing here, and I understand attending Mass and being one with others in the holy sacrifice of the Mass as a worship and thanksgiving prayer. I also understand in my own times when I celebrate a goodness in my life reaching up to say thank you, Father. I totally get that and not wanting to be like the other "nine lepers". But when it comes to need, I don't know.
The recent years have proven very difficult as our children grew into adulthood, stretched their independent wings and flying away. One flew into near self-destruction that took my husband and I into near divorce. There were dark times, scary times, and times of deep depression, the halls of our home were void of love, security, and full of doubt, madness, and strife. During those times, I'd pray. With my knuckles white with desperation, tightly gripped together, I'd beg for help.
Ben Shapiro was quoted on Facebook as saying:
I've said this before, I don't believe God is a gumball machine wherein He gives us what we want just because we prayed for it. Prayer is about realigning your life and your thought processes to be in accord with God's will, not the other way around.
Yes, yes that all sounds completely sound, but when you are in the thick of it with a young child, aligning yourself to the will of God just, well there is NO time and surely the will of God would be aligned with your prayer!
My husband told me once that prayer doesn't work the way I want it to work. God doesn't just give you what you want like a child's Christmas list. Okay, fine, but why bother praying at the hour of need? Why pray for what you want if it isn't going to be answered how you want it to be answered?
But what about the moment of desperation? What about the moment of near destruction? What about those days that stretch out into weeks and months of darkness and fear? Where is our faith? Does God give us a nugget of hope? A moment of enlightenment comes if we listen....if we have faith be it small, weak, and frail.
God wants only the good for all of us, He loves us more than any parent for their child. God is love, God is compassion, God is everything we cannot even dream of. He can make us, break us, end us, or build us up! I know that what we went through for me and my family. I look at my husband very differently these days. We have been married 30 years now and still going. This did not come without doubt and fear during our dark times. Our children are all working hard in their lives, loving our Lord, and making sure their children are at Mass every Sunday.
God is good, prayers are answered. Patience is a virtue true enough.