Today I have been feeling rather put off and discarded by the Church, no one really has been very thrilled that I study, write, and have so much desire to serve Her. A few months ago my Knight said I needed to get a job now that we no longer homeschool our daughters and I am not making any money as a writer. Well I found one last week out in the world not related to the Church, got hired this week and begin working next week...sigh... school spring break for the girls. Now I don't know what is ahead of me in this job as I haven't started it yet, but I will not be completely available to them from now on as we are used to. I won't be doing what I have studied so long to do, nor will I be able to speak about it in these times and culture. Silenced and put away.
Spending most of the day selfishly down-in-the-mouth about things, an afternoon rain came and cancelled my knight's softball game, so he decided to come with us to Holy Thursday Mass, always nice having him with us. Sitting in the pew, still feeling sorry for myself during most of Mass, I'm moved to tears as I watch the Eucharistic procession going past us. A thought came to me:
Dear Jesus, we are loving you tonight, look at us consoling you during your agony in the garden! There must be about 300 or more believers here tonight to replicate the Last Supper. Twelve are chosen to have their one foot washed by our pastor and then after communion, the procession takes place with beautiful music playing in the background with our young sacristan leading the way through the Church. The Acolytes are very serious, the incense smoking, we are here for you, dear Jesus! We are like the angel who comforted you at Gethsemane, we are showing you that we are here worshiping, praising, and loving you with thankful hearts for your passion and death.....for us.
Thank you, dear Lord for your suffering, I want to console your divine heart. I want you to know that not only I, but so many love you and believe in you and want to console you during your passion.
Thank you, thank you, O thank you, Jesus.
I love you!