Sunday, September 7, 2008

Prayer, disappointments, and acruing sin

Lately, I have been struggling with my time on the computer, my prayer life, and the urgent need for confession. My prayer life seems to lack quality and quantity and I keep missing the Saturday afternoon confession time. Too embarrassed to ask for a special time for forgiveness? Yeah, and I am beginning to feel the consequences of sin growing inside. I can blame it on all sorts of things: not being married to a Catholic, having no time/forgetting/letting the time get away on Saturdays, being the only Catholic that enforces pious practices in the family...the list goes on. All of which do not get me to confession anyway.

Recent events have me thinking, how else can I effectively respond to life's ups and downs if I am so overwhelmed with failure, self doubt, and sin? I'm not handling things well, and when something goes wrong, it seeps deep inside my skin to my heart. My strength is gone, my joy has subsided, and my confidence waning. Yes, I am taking my theology courses, reading the bible, CCC, and the course readings. Yes, I am continuing to learn more about the Church's teaching and this month moral decision making. Possibly that's what's happening here, my angel is tapping me a little harder lately saying, "See, that's what I have been telling you."

Joy and forgiveness go together and when one has joy and forgiveness, there is confidence and an open door to Christ without barriers. This I long for.


Adrienne said...

Ok - don't make me fly out there and smack you up side the head.

We all do what we can do. God isn't keeping some spiritual score card checking off little boxes. When you are caring for your family, running your business, or cheering up others, you are praying - as long as you are doing these things for the glory of God.

Monks and cloistered nuns know this. I have no idea of where this idea started that we who are in a particular state of life are "not doing enough".

When you beat up on yourself you are denying the virtue of hope and sinking into despair which is the exact opposite.

The perfect remedy for all this is to sit down later today and have a cup of coffee or tea with Our Blessed Mother. She was a mom and a wife and "gets it". Keep it simple - just you and your best girlfriend Mary around the kitchen table. Tell her what's going on and have a laugh or two.

Come to think of it, I haven't sat around the table with Mary lately. So this afternoon calls for a nice cup of Tazo Awake tea and a chat with Mary (after the other million things I have to do ;-)

Deanna said...

I heard something yesterday that made me realize even more what a sacrafice married life. St. Frances de Sales said married life is the most severe form of mortification. I heard it, didn't read it so I don't have the exact wording, but it really points out that the daily duties of being wife and mother (husband/father) really do count for something. I to, lately have needed to go to confession and pray more, but, but, but... Hang in there and remember, the desire is there, which is often half the battle.

Soul Pockets said...

I struggle in the same ways. God sees your heart and your intentions. I love the advice Adrienne gave about having a cup of tea and a good with Mary the Blessed Mother. Trust in our Lord and keep on praying.

God bless

Unknown said...

"When you beat up on yourself you are denying the virtue of hope and sinking into despair which is the exact opposite."

Yes! And the spirit of joy! There is a great discussion of this(beating ones self up) in the book Imitation of Christ by Thomas Kempis. It can actually be a form of pride in it's habitual form. Ekkk!

If you can get a hold of some of Mother Angelica's writings, she can put your mind to rest. Everyday duties around the house can be turned over to God, a mortification. I'll try to find some of her writing addressing this online and post them. I remember one of her suggestions for blessing the laundry!

The sacraments are important, but it also matters what's in your heart. God knows this, he knows your heart. Be as forgiving toward yourself as Jesus is to all of us. You are loved Ebeth, just the way you are. We are all sinners lacking in perfection. Fall at His feet, and he'll take on your burden.

Jane (a.k.a. patjrsmom) said...

I can't say anything better than what was said already, but I will tell you this. You don't struggle alone.

Keep fighting the good fight! God will bless your efforts!


Ebeth said...

If only you guys were my neighbors! Thank you all of you from the bottom of my heart.

Love and Hugs!