Lately, I have been struggling with my time on the computer, my prayer life, and the urgent need for confession. My prayer life seems to lack quality and quantity and I keep missing the Saturday afternoon confession time. Too embarrassed to ask for a special time for forgiveness? Yeah, and I am beginning to feel the consequences of sin growing inside. I can blame it on all sorts of things: not being married to a Catholic, having no time/forgetting/letting the time get away on Saturdays, being the only Catholic that enforces pious practices in the family...the list goes on. All of which do not get me to confession anyway.
Recent events have me thinking, how else can I effectively respond to life's ups and downs if I am so overwhelmed with failure, self doubt, and sin? I'm not handling things well, and when something goes wrong, it seeps deep inside my skin to my heart. My strength is gone, my joy has subsided, and my confidence waning. Yes, I am taking my theology courses, reading the bible, CCC, and the course readings. Yes, I am continuing to learn more about the Church's teaching and this month moral decision making. Possibly that's what's happening here, my angel is tapping me a little harder lately saying, "See, that's what I have been telling you."
Joy and forgiveness go together and when one has joy and forgiveness, there is confidence and an open door to Christ without barriers. This I long for.