Friday, May 16, 2008

The Mother/daughter relationship...What gives?

Almost every woman I know has had issues with their relationship with their mother, including myself. I want to know why that is. Some of these relationships are so bad and devastating that I have been told that some dread having daughters themselves. I am a mother of daughters, we have issues, but they are young girls yet. I want them to have fond memories of me and their growing years.

To say that this is a problem of epidemic proportions is fairly accurate. If everyone I knew that told me a troubling story about their mother growing up had some sort of contagious virus, we'd be in trouble!!

What is the problem? Do you know?


Unknown said...

Maybe it's a control issue? Mother's wanting their daughter's to be mini-me's could be the issue. I know this is a issue in my relationship with my mother, and my SIL has the same issue with her mother.

I am attempting to break the cycle by re-directing the focusing to God. Instead of me acting as a demi-god, standards and judgements will be placed where it should be - in God's hands.

Great topic! :)

Ebeth said...

You know, Alexandra, I think you are right!! I want to do the same and break the pattern in my own relationships with my daughters.

We need a support system, so I want to start one here at the Pillars.


Unknown said...

Great idea! :)

Deanna said...

I have many women friends who have problems with thier mother, many of the mothers were born in 1940. Maybe it was something in the water?
I do know that I have broken much, if not all of the pattern with my own daughter who is 19 now. We still do things together and she usually holds my hand when we walk in the mall or in parking lots. I would never have asked my mom to go anywhere with me at that age!
Keep praying and lifting it all up, that's all we can do.

Whimsy said...

Greg Popcak, in the book Raising Almost Perfect Kids, says that adolescents often analyze the parent of the same gender, sifting through what they like and don't like. This process can be painful to the parent.

I don't have kids that have reached that stage, but it does resonate with my own memories. I can't verify that with my own mother, however (+1993).

Maybe homeschooling will help with the mother/daughter thing. Maybe Mom won't be considered to alien?

Anonymous said...

Homeschooling helps some but you've got to try and be light and enjoy your relationship with your little girls and just keep it that adding hand cream to your rough dry hands every now and then in the winter.. silly sounding perhaps, but it is true. I didn't know much about crafts and things, but some of the daughters that I know who are still close to their mommas did crafty things together now and then too and kept it up.
When they are going through puberty, don't accidentally give them a gift like new undies at a family party and they open the present in front of everyone..she may think she has lost all of your confidences! No kiddin..I did this and the 27 year old still reminds me. Keep a special time together now and then and don't ever forget lots of hugs...that doesn't mean spoil her, but truly try not to out argue or shot her and share notes under the door and get her to return them back to you while she is younger and kiss and make up with a smile. Its so important...I can't tell you how much. Blessings and God bless! :)
Suzanne (Used to blog with Sincerely My Thoughts..if you ever went there to read).
Not blogging presently.