Sandwiches

It's tough, really tough when you are caught between two generations and being in another generation with your own stuff to deal with.  No, I'm not talking about eating sandwiches, though it would be nice to sit by a big oak tree, eating a favorite sandwich with no cares in the world.  That is not what I'm talking about at all.

You see, if you have been around the "Pillars" at all, you will see that generations have had their turn, turning this girl on her head.  Life sandwiches, people sandwiches, loved ones sandwiches, those people that God put in your life to care, love, and want to throw the pickle from your favorite sandwich at.  

Years ago, I was told that we are given the parents we had for a reason, to grow us, strengthen us, or learn from.  I agree, and we do not know what that purpose is until we are looking backward, 20/20 vision.  Maybe, maybe not, I don't know really.  Since I am a parent of grown children, what are they looking back at?  What did they learn, grow from, or get stronger with me at the helm?  My husband doesn't think deeply into such things, so I'm on my own...as usual, to think up things to wonder about. I'm not really worried about my kids, they all seem to be figuring it all out for themselves, but I do wonder what I gave them, what WE gave them.

We went to Mass every Sunday and holy days, we prayed the meal blessing, I taught them about Jesus, forgiveness, and I showed them how committed I am to the Catholic faith.  Two of the three are Catholic and I guess that's pretty good odds.

.

Watching my mom die less than a year ago was depressing and such a loss in my life.  I miss her terribly since she was my sounding board where my dad was concerned.  He divorced her 40 years ago for a younger woman who divorced him 10 years and 2 kids later.  What goes around, comes around, yes?  My mom never remarried and remained married in the Church to my father.  She also stayed engaged with our families where my dad did not.  He was always living off somewhere and enjoying his friends.

Now my dad is gone, he died alone in a hospice facility three weeks ago.  A couple of his friends visited him the day he died and were able to speak to him and perhaps he heard them and was comforted.  I was there the day before, but with me living so far away, I had to go home sometime. I was with him for 5 days at the hospital.   I now have regret that I didn't do enough for him, ask questions to the medical professionals caring for him, I was his POA and needed to be his mediator.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  He was 93 and had fallen twice and had a brain bleed, broken femur and heart issues, so he was in bad shape.  Mom was 90 when she died, she was ready, her arthritis pain from 90% of her body was tiring and she wasn't able to do anything for herself.  She fought a tough battle for as long as I can remember.

Now the sandwich generation is only an open faced one.  It's quiet and gloomy, dark and empty basically.  My life was full of weekly conversations with both my parents, good or bad, I talked to both my parents weekly.  Now I find myself sitting in adoration listening to their voicemails.  Mom left me the gift of her voice...finally.  She used to never leave messages, but at the end she was leaving them all the time.

We live in a very transient society.  Kids go away to college states or countries away from family.  Jobs or found and they stay away and begin their lives far from parents, siblings, extended family members.  The family no longer is what it used to be, and the support and relationships are as endearing as they were a few generations ago.   That is sad.  I wish and pray that people start seeing that and want to make a change.  I pray for the family unit to be cherished again and needed again.