Saturday, July 2, 2016

What's in a Name?

So our middle child got married a month ago and since then has had to do all the name changing stuff to get her new life started.  It really has been a transition for the whole family, even if she lives across town, it's a big change.  My ability to move with the times isn't my forte and even my boss told me that earlier this year with my review...."You don't do well with change." speaking about all the new rules of retail incentives in the job.  Anyway, my daughter getting married while still in college at the young age of 21 has been a struggle for me, but we supported her as you can see by my previous post and wish them well in their lives together.

The other day she invited me to take a zumba class with her at the gym her husband and she joined.  I accepted and met her there ready to zumba away.  She was all made up and pretty, so I asked her, you wear make up to work out?  She said, "No, i had to get a new license and today I had my picture made."  Oh, you are now officially (our last name and her new married name)!  She said no, I dropped my last name and kept my middle name.  My jaw dropped, my heart went into my throat.....I was floored.  I asked her why would you do that?  She said, I'm not discussing this with you, it's my decision."  I stood there for a moment, feeling blown away, speechless, and then realizing I couldn't go through with the class, picked up my stuff and left.

Over the past 4 days I have been struggling to understand why she would drop the name that is her history, that represents her grandfather, her own daddy, as well as the family of her origin.  Why she would be happy with removing a name that was her home, family, and the love she received from it.  My husband wasn't as upset as I was, but still he was upset. I don't know....I just can't get this way of thinking.  She says she didn't want 2 last names and that a name doesn't mean the same anymore...that she will always be from our family, she just doesn't have to have it as her name.

I don't get it......I really don't......

4 comments:

RAnn said...

As far as I know my mother never used her maiden name after she was married. I use mine as a middle name and when I was in my hometown while my father was dying I just used my maiden name when talking to familiar strangers--it was just easier than using my married name. Maybe she really likes her middle name (it seems to me that every girl my name had the middle name Ann so I felt no attachement toward it).

Ebeth said...

HAHAHA, that IS her middle name, Ann, which my mother's and her sister's middle name and she passed on to me. She kept it for that reason. I'll survive....it's all this transition from being my daughter to being a wife on her own. I'll survive.

Deanna said...

My son is getting married next month and his fiance is taking our last name and her last name will become her middle initial. I was surprised but I've noticed that seems to be the trend lately. Transition is hard even when it's happy

Ebeth said...

Hi Deanna! Hm, I thought that was the normal way things are done. Our daughter-in-law actually kept all four of her names..that seems unusual,....Anyway, transitions are indeed hard for me....but I'll get used to it.....